Bilbo's Boobs

In a two-page spread from the Supersonic Annual for 1997 comes the following piece of expose journalism.

SHE WHACKED DEV ROUND THE CHOPS!

Dev's a big lad. There's no doubting that. But he's gentle with it!

"There! am, as soft as they come, and I always end up with right tough little birds" said Dev.

"Like this chick Annie I dated once. She looked cute enough -blonde hair, blue eyes.. . the whole works, but oh boy, did she turn out to be a handful!"

"We'd been dating for two weeks and she still hadn't got round to kissing me.

"I waited until we were saying goodnight outside her house one night, then I put my arm round her and pecked her on the lips."

"Cor! What a smacker! Not on the lips. . . but round the chops!

"Annie still wasn't in the kissing mood and she let me know as hard as she could!

"She let fly with her heavy shoulder bag right round me earhole!

"That was the last time I ever saw her!"

DARLING CINDY, 'OR IS IT LYN?

Tosh has got a terrible memory... and it's got him into trouble more than once!

"How about the time I was snogging passionately with a girl in the back seat of the flicks!"

"What beautiful eyes you've got ... what lovely soft lips," I whispered' in her ear.

"Oh darling Cindy I think you're just great," I muttered getting right carried away.

"What?" she screamed.

"You pig . . . I'm not Cindy. I'm Lyn!" and stormed out - right in the middle of the best part of the film too!"

"I'd only called her the name of my date the night before!"

DRIED SNAILS DISASTER!

I'll never forget the time I tried being really flash with a posh bird I was going out with, " says Fid.

"We passed a really smart restaurant. The menu was all in French . . . I couldn't understand a word of it.

"But she wanted to go in!"

"I was too embarrassed to say no. I didn't know what the hell I was ordering. . . I ended up with a plate of dried up snail! Yeuk!

"But worse was to come! When it came to paying the bill I discovered I only had 50 pence in my pocket.

"I was carted round the back to a massive pile of washing up . . . while Susie skipped out, scot-free!"

BRIAN PUTS HIS FOOT IN IT!

Brian 's unlucky when it comes to dates. . . especially if it's the first one with a new girlfriend.

"I get nervous. .. and then I start saying all the wrong things. It's terrible!" said Brian.

"I told one girl who wore glasses that I always fell head over heels with birds who wore specs . . . and she went into a big sulk 'cos she said she was getting contact lenses the next day!

"Another chubby girl got the "I think girl's ought to have a bit of meat on 'em" treatment. .. and she burst into tears.

"But I've been on a diet for a month!' she screamed. "I dunno - I just can't win!"

TWO TIMING TRICKSTER!

Colin doesn't believe in two-timing girls. Not after what happened the first time he tried it!

"I planned it very carefully," said Colin.

"I made my date on the night my regular girlfriend, Jean, always used to stay in and wash her hair.

"I took my new girl to the flicks right up the other end of town just in case any of Jean's mates spotted us. After the movie we went back to my place for a coffee and a cuddle.

"Then imagine my horror when there was Jean on the doorstep!

"I felt like paying you a surprise visit," she said . . . and walked in!

"Cor! You should have heard the language when she saw my new girl!

"She had a fit! I tell you, I was lucky to get out of that alive!"

Page Last Updated: 4 March, 2010

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